So its been a hard day.
Did I mention I don't believe in horoscopes.
I've often wondered why men are like dogs and women are like cats.
Where do all the lighters, pens, pencil sharpeners, tape measures and tweasers go?
Why do the magic words "its famine or feast", when said to you, immediately cause the universe to shove you into a situation where you either have none or too much of the thing you want/need/lost.
Its been a very stressful day....
Although stress is relative isn't it....There are soldiers at war, parents with dying children, chldren with dying parents, and lots of other people who have probably had a much more stressful day then me. Lets spare a moment to send them positive thoughts for a moment before we proceed with my pathetic rant shall we....
Working hard at the higher education coalface for 12 years brings mixed rewards. On the one hand I've done an MSc, I have learned lots of technologies and skills. On the other hand It can be woeful trying to cut through the redtape and corporate treacle to get things done.....
This year I was offered an opportunity to see if the business I work at values my skills and wants to keep me.
There had been a lot of changes e.g. all the staff above me in the management hierarchy, except my immediate team leader, had changed in abouter 12 months by february this year... From group leader, IT director, Pro vice chancellor, Vice chancellor and many members of the board, and i thought...none of the people to whom I report know me any more. They don;t know what i do, how hard i have worked, or why i have done these projects.
I asked around and contacts i had made over the last few years, no one was hiring, then a flippant comment to a close friend opened a very exciting door, which meant i could try something a bit different, something i enjoyed, and which would pay enough to keep the ball boat afloat....maybe even keep sky and upgrade to HD! So i handed in my forms and applied for voluntary redundancy. 6 weeks later, I got handed the white envelope....and the Ball is out of there.
Part of my logic was that there might be compulsory redundancy's later with lower payouts, and i figured if i applied for voluntary and did not get it, then they wanted to keep me because i was bright and good and special....and i would be safe....
Another part was that, if they were going to pay me to not go there anymore, i'd have a buffer before going consultant so i could find work and not be nervous for a few months...
Another part was fear of the unknown... it felt like, if i stayed, i was going to be probably sitting at the same desk, but doing a new job, on new projects, in a new business... what if i didn't like it? i'd have missed out on the redundancy bucks...what if i had to start coding in JAVA? the horror!
So anyway, someone decided to let me go. and pay me to not go to there every day any more. no idea who actually made the decision, but i am sure i will eventually want to thank them...just not yet.
Since that day in april, there has been happiness, joy, excitement, depression, remorse, guilt, confusion, and panic..often all within the same waking hour. I have been a loyal member of staff for 12 years, through thick and thin, and have only been for 2 interviews in other firms in that time. I feel particularly guilty because:
- i have built lots of systems to make things easier for staff, to make things cheaper and more efficient for the business which has paid me so well all these years...and some of those systems are not robust enough to work without someone keeping them rolling...
- now that will have to be done by one of the colleagues i am leaving behind, who already have lots of their own systems to support....
- people i have brought into automated processes that i will no longer support.
- i have not done enough technical or user documentation over the years.... I always thought me and the uni were a job for life pair..
I feel depressed because a tiny part of me was arrogant enough to think that they would say no, Simon, you are one of the best men we have and we cannot afford to lose you.....so maybe i was not as good as i thought i was...
I felt happy to not be going there anymore, especially when some difficult times came along with the restructuring and regradings...but i also felt guilty because my friends and colleagues were going through a horrible time...particularly my long term colleague Judy, who was taking so much on and getting very stressed thinking she would have to take on all the work of the people leaving the team. Seeing her upset realy wiped the disembarkment smile off my face.
Working at a place going through a major restructure is a horrible thing, its bad for the escapees and its bad for those entrenched. I worry how many friends i will lose before this is done.
Its all boiling down now to me doing my best to show people where things are, what they are and how they work.( and make those little fixes to make things more robust as i go)..even though the recipients of the knowledge are not those who will be taking the work on... just interim recipients of knowledge to hold it until the restructuring has occurred after i have left.
I wish them all the best of luck in their future endeavors.
Old yang style Taijigung
Aside from the saving graces of my loving family, the excitement of babyball4 arriving, and playing bass, Tai Chi is one of the best things i spend time doing at the moment. I have been practicing for 2 years now, and i think i am progressing slowly but strongly. And its great.
It may be a coincidence, but in the last 3 hayfever seasons my symptons have reduced soo dramatically that i am down from daily intake of 2 different antihistamine tablets, plus 3x daily nose spray and very regular eye drops, to no tablets, 1 nose spra daily, and occasional eyedrops on bad days.
I am physically taller. i can run much further, my asthma has lessened, and i am stronger, faster and fitter. I am still fat of belly, but thats because i take in a lot more calories than i use.
I am calmer in general, and happier.
This is not a scientific study... this is just what i have noticed about my body and ailments over the last couple of years...my wife has noticed it too.
whats the downside...? i have to keep going and doing it to feel the benefits... and once i started going twice a week, i felt even better, but i felt lousy when i dropped back to once or no times a week when i was really busy earlier in the year.
But, i enjoy it, i never feel like " oh its tai chi tonight i can;t be bothered", and i wish i had time to go more often, learn faster, learn more techniques, and get better.
The Tai chi I study is an old style, which was apparently kept secret for a long time, and has simi8larities with the other families styles.
Its an ancient chinese martial art, and the exercising of its sequences of moves, the forms, have many simultaneous benefits. It teaches you how to react to being struck, it strengthens body, muscles, quickens reactions, and changes the way you think. Its healthy, good for posture, a light gentle exercise which nearly anyone can do, oh, and potentially if someone attacks you, you could use it to incapacitate them without them injuring you, by turning their own force against them, and multiplying it with leverage from your own body.
Its great fun, and when i have more time, i intend to learn more than just the basic forms, but to move on to the other classes which teach fighting, defense and greater endurance.
Leicester boasts some highly skilled instructors of old yang style and i recommend any one interested to get in and give it a go.
There's no uniform, no gradings, no stress. You learn a simple pattern of movements which glide together to become one long flowing transition which takes about 5 minutes for the first section... and then you can progress to learning the next section, start varying the speed of certain movements, and begin to watch more closely and learn more about the sequence you already know...weight shifting foward and back, foot movements representing kicks, twists and turns of the waist to multiple the force... its a fascinating and enjoyable pass time.
Frankly, its so good, i think everyone should try it... and maybe 5% will stick with it.
My instructor is one of the most laidback and capable people i have ever met and i hope to be learning a lot from him for a long time :)
Thats about enough
So, if you made it this farm, well done. I am off to think about job interviews, baby delivery pool inflation and maybe have a hot bath with a chilled white wine.
comment me up please :)
Next time on ball blog -
the pleasant surprise that other companies might actually want to pay me as much as i think i am worth
the benefit of chatting about things to good friends, and finding a mentor or 3
will the baby ever be born?
